Warning – Dirty Joke: Do not read if offended easily

An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president’s office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, ‘$165,000’.

The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, ‘What kind of bets?’

The elderly woman replied, ‘Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.’

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, ‘Would you like to take my bet?’

‘Certainly’, replied the president. ‘I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.’

‘Done’, the elderly woman answered. ‘But given the amount of money involved, if you don’t mind I would like to come back at 10 ‘ clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.’

‘No problem’, said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that way, up and down, turned it around, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o’clock the elderly woman arrived at the president’s office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president’s testicles were square

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. ‘Of course’, said the president. ‘Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.’

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied; ‘Oh, it’s probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o’clock this morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Ireland ‘

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Coming to you from the future

Hey. I know this is weird, but this is the future you, and I just got in a time-machine. I’m contacting you from 6 months in the future because I’m (we’re) in a bit of a bind…
So our friends John & Sally are going to have to cancel their holiday weekend trip in exactly 6 months due to a family emergency.  They’ve got a two bedroom penthouse unit at an all-inclusive resort, and the whale sharks are migrating. They’re going to call and tell you (us) that if you (we) want to go – all you have to do is buy the flights.

Rights purchased from: https://www.123rf.com/profile_macsim

Unfortunately I (future you) have been  trying to find decent flights for the past two days, and I can’t find ANYTHING for less than $1200 each. (If it weren’t for that damn A/C going out last month, we’d have room in the budget to fly us and the kids out, but $4800 is just too much.)
In a panic, I called that Just Get Out Of Town guy – Joel. He said he’s not a travel agent and it’s too late for him to find anything better, BUT… All we have to do is cash in that emergency stash of 100,000 frequent flyer points he showed us how to get 6 months ago. Then, instead of $4800 – we could fly there for a couple hundred bucks.
Needless to say, I (we) had to tell John & Sally that we couldn’t make it. They then called the F^@#ing Smiths – who are now plastering pictures of themselves swimming with whale sharks all over f^@#ing Facebook.
Damn Smiths…

Do our family a favor, and do the following two things right now:

1) Print out this free report from Joel and try it out.  (Trust me – it’s not nearly as much trouble as the trouble I (we) are going through right now scrambling for an affordable flight (to no avail).
2) Upgrade to Joel’s premium service. The dude is wicked-smart (like “writing books for Google” smart). He’s going to post an amazing mistake fare tomorrow and we could go on BOTH trips for less than the cost of what we normally spend on one vacation. But if you don’t upgrade your subscription, it will sell out before you get it.

No time to talk. I’ve got to get back to the future.  (READ THAT REPORT so my future involves whale sharks and umbrella drinks, instead of vicariously living through the Smiths’ Facebook pics.)

Oh yeah. One other thing:

Call the A/C repair guy. Not having A/C for two weeks this summer was a bitch, and the guy who replaced it for $7000 said if I (we) had re-charged the freon for $250, it wouldn’t have broken down (and we’d be the ones swimming with whale sharks).

Sincerely,

Future you